Brain Dead

I think all of the drugs I'm on are starting to kill my brain cells!  When I got home from work yesterday I tried calling J to ask him if he could pick up milk on his way home.  I got no answer at work, and his cell phone was turned off.  So I tried again 10 minutes later - same result.  Then I thought that maybe when he got home we could go to Lowe's to look at paint and flooring and go out for sushi, and then pick up milk on our way home.  It wasn't until 6:20 that I remembered that J had class and wasn't going to be home until after 8!  Hello!  So I sent him a text asking him to pick up milk (for when he turned his phone back on), heated up a microwave meal, and got cozy for the evening.  J actually got home earlier than I expected, but without the milk - he was nice enough to hop back in the car and go get it, or else I would not have been able to make my coffee this morning.  What a good guy.

Medicine update: 90mg prednisone, 80mg verapamil, lasix, miralax, zantac, ambien.

Nervous Anticipation

I am half expecting an admit to the hospital today - in light of the fact that I broke though 57.5 mg prednisone last night with an awful, long cluster headache.  Part of me actually wants it.  Maybe then something will happen to actually kill these things for good, or at least for the next 12 - 24 months.

To top it off, I think my body is at the tipping point.  First - my period came yesterday, about 4 days early.  That never happens on its own.  Next - heartburn city is going on in my chest.  Acne is all over my face, neck, chest and back.  My heart periodically pounds in my chest.  Last night while I was about 2/3 of the way through my cluster headache my bp was 116/92 (normally I'm 100/68 ish) and my pulse was 87!

So - here is the list of meds I will most likely be taking today: 60mg prednisone, 200 mg gabapentin, 100 mg Lasix, 18 grams Miralax, 150 mg OTC Zantac.  I'm going to hold off on the prednisone and gabapentin until after my 9:15am appt since I don't want to do anything that would preclude any additional treatments today. 

Wow - I cannot wait to get past this and be able to get back to what this blog was supposed to be all about: TTC!

Annoyed

I love that I called my Dr. yesterday to inform her that I was up to 57.5 mg prednisone, suffering from severe insomnia, and could she please call in a prescription for Relpax - and by the way, please call me back at phone number x -- and 6 hours later I check my messages at phone number y and there is a message from the Dr.'s office that  they scheduled me for an appointment on Monday at 9:15 - huh?  First of all - wrong number idiots.  Second - what about my Relpax prescriptiong?  How am I supposed to get through the weekend if a cluster headache breaks throuhg?  I am at the upper limit of the amount of prednisone I can/should be taking on my own.  So yes - while I do like my Dr. a lot, I am annoyed.

The Miralax and Lasix are keeping the digestive system flowing and bloat down - but the prednisone has made my skin break out something horrible, including my neck, chest and back.  It is gross.  I am also now suffering from near-constant heartburn, regardless of whether I take the meds with food or not - Zantac is mostly working, but does wear off by the time I wake up in the morning.  And that's the final thing -- being awake.  I cannot sleep past 5:10am, and it's not like I'm falling asleep at 8pm.  I do not survive well on less than 7 hours of sleep per night, and I'm not sure if I've gotten that much over the last 2 days combined.  What sleep I do get is restless, dream-filled, and generally not restful.

In spite of all of this, I am so hopeful that I can wrap this all up soon and get back to the business of TTC.

Effects of Prednisone: Day 21

Entering week #4 on prednisone, and it's starting to take it's toll: in spite of the Lasix (which has me feeling 100% better than before I was on it) my face is puffy.  Around my mouth and my cheeks mostly. I find myself with my heart racing at different times during the day and it doesn't go away quickly.  In fact, it's pretty much been racing since 3:15am, which coincidentally, is how long I've been awake.  As long as I can stay functional today, I don't really mind being up in the middle of the night, but something tells me that I won't be able to make it much past lunch today.

That's another side-effect: my sleep has been terribly disrupted.  It started really dragging me down yesterday.

On a work note - my entire department has been re-organized.  I'm less than thrilled, but trying hard not to get too pessimistic about it.  I no longer work for the same manager - I will be working for a colleague that has been promoted.  This will be my first experience in my career with dealing with that type of transition.  I also now report through a director who I am personally not a big fan of, which is actually what I am more concerned about.  So - I think I'm just going to lay low and put my head down for the next few weeks and observe how things start panning out.

More meds

Boy, this sure has deviated from my original intent, but it's actually going to be pretty interesting to look back on this and remember what detours I had along the way.

I'm on 2 additional medications to help me deal with the side effects from the prednisone - a prescription strength laxative (no explanation necessary) and a diuretic, because of all of the bloat.  The laxative hasn't kicked in yet, but the diuretic sure has, and I really do feel better.  My head is holding at 3 days + without a cluster headache and I'm really feeling pretty good considering.

Tomorrow J has to work a 1/2 day so I plan on  putting my head down to clean up/meal plan/make chili so that we can enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Taking Advantage

Last night sucked, but I'm trying not to dwell on it.  Worst cluster headache ever.  Enough said. Gabapentin is making me a little loopy right now.

Today I am working from home, since it's very icy and somewhat snowy out there.  No one in my department went in today, so it's great.  I've got some work stuff to finish up, but without interruption, it shouldn't take me long.  I want to take advantage of being home to scan photos and upload them to ancestry.com.  I am crazy about exploring my genealogy and have found out some really neat stuff on ancestry.com - I highly recommend it.  My dad helped me identify some people in some old pictures he had (ones that had been my grandmother's) and it's great running into people out there on the web who I'm finding that I am related to!

Will It End?

Here I am just entering week 2 of this cluster headache cycle, and I'm about to fold completely.  I am not sure how I am going to be able to continue.  Today I had one break through 35 mg of prednisone and it was THE WORST pain I have ever felt.  I had tears running out of my right eye, droopy right eyelid - the works.  I wasn't sure I would be able to make it home, and is came on in the car.

By the time I got home it had been a 10 for the end of the ride and I stumbled into the bathroom (after popping another 5 mg prednisone) to take a hot shower, just howling - I wasn't crying - I was howling.  It was the worst.  I am so glad my husband wasn't home to see and hear me.  By 7:15 I decided to take another 5 mg prednisone as I still had a 4/5 headache.  

So, now I'm up to 45 mg prednisone (I can't go above 60 mg without having to be admitted to the hospital).  I'm going to go back to taking all 200mg of gabapentin in the morning instead of splitting them up - which I had done to try to alleviate the side-effects: anxiety and stressful feeling.

Well - hopefully the 45 mg prednisone will hold it all off for now.  I guess we'll see.  Keep your fingers crossed!

Prednisone Plus Me Equals. . .

Bloat. Constipation. Not fun.  I've taken 3 Correctol's since last night and nothing has happened.  I also drank 8oz. H2O with 1 tsp. psyllium powder (gross) in hopes of getting things moving and nothing yet.  I guess I'll have another one after my dinner.  Thankfully - not one cluster headache since my prednisone dosage was increased, so I will take the bloat any day!

Speaking of dinner, I will be making Salmon with Lentils and a Mustard Herbed Butter - yum!  

Addition: The salmon was delicious!  Highly recommended - head over to epicurious.com and make this recipe!

Mind Racing

Great day today - I went to the Dr. this morning and she upped my meds, which (for now) is doing the trick on keeping these cluster headaches at bay.  I'm feeling really energetic, which is amazing considering that I can't remember the last time I got a solid night of sleep.  

J is at class tonight, so as soon as I get this posted I am going to start ripping on my cross stitch project.  I'm hoping this weekend to finalize some decorating decisions for my house, and I'm even considering asking the folks over at This Young House to put together a mood board for my living room, since I'm not sure if I trust myself with doing it right.

So Disappointed

Last night, my cluster headaches busted through the medication that had been holding them off, which sucks big time.  I had another one in the middle of the night that pulled me straight out of a deep sleep and about knocked my socks off.  I called my Dr. this morning but I can't be seen until tomorrow, and in the meantime I was told to take an extra 5mg of prednisone.  All morning I proceeded to have a low grade cluster headache and I was drained from the previous 2, so I left work to come home and spend the rest of the day sacked out.

In addition to the physical pain, I am emotionally not in a good place right now.  I just keep wanting to cry, I am so disappointed.  Disappointed that after 8 months of TTC we are still not pregnant.  Disappointed that just as I felt I was really doing something to balance my body and my mind to make myself more favorable for conception that I was struck with this debilitating pain - pain that is sucking my will to live and forcing me to focus on it, which I do not want to be doing - I want to be focused on TTC!  

I am continuing to take BBT everyday and monitor other fertility signs, but it seems pointless this month - and probably even next month too.  I need to find some positive spin to this whole thing - any suggestions?

Medicine - Do Your Job

Excellent day today - I awoke pain free!  The meds I took late yesterday afternoon must be doing their jobs.  I am on prednisone (excellent for pain relieving skills, not so good after a few days in terms on bloat and constipation) and gabapentin, which is actually an anti-seizure medication, and this is the first time I've ever taken it.  I'm not sure what exactly anti-seizure medication does to keep my head pain away, but as long as it's working, I don't care!

I went in for an acupuncture visit to try and hit these cluster headaches from all sides.  J took me in since I wasn't sure how I'd be reacting to my new meds. The visit went well, but it's very different when you go in for pain management versus fertility stuff.  S probed around my feet looking for tender spots at the ends of energy channels and she found them - on my left feet, which makes sense, since it's the right side of my head where the pain is.  Before I left, she attached these little band aids with teeny-tiny ball bearings on them on my ears, on specific pressure points - where I can squeeze them if I start to have head pain.  Hopefully the meds will work so I won't have to do that, but it's really nice knowing that I have an alternative back-up plan.  S told me not to bother with taking the herbs I was supposed to start on on CD5 - we'll save them for after I'm done dealing with these cluster headaches.

After the treatment was over, J and I went to Culver's for lunch - yum!  We swung by Circuit City to see what the good deals might be but there really weren't any yet.  After getting home I started on a new cross stitch project for my new neice/nephew who will be arriving in April.  The pattern is Cedar Hill Shaker Animal Rhymes - when it's done I'll be sure to post a picture.  For my neice, A, who is 2, I made "The Promise" by Shepherd's Bush and it turned out awesome.  I should have taken a picture of it before I gave it to her!

J has been great to me since his generally insensitive comments yesterday morning - he told me that he's disapointed that we're going to have to put off TTC for a month or two but he doesn't blame me - he doesn't like to see me in pain and it frustrates him that there isn't anything he can do to change it.  He is the best.  Just knowing that's how he feels makes me feel better - we will get through this.