Wednesday, January 21, 2009

So Disappointed

Last night, my cluster headaches busted through the medication that had been holding them off, which sucks big time.  I had another one in the middle of the night that pulled me straight out of a deep sleep and about knocked my socks off.  I called my Dr. this morning but I can't be seen until tomorrow, and in the meantime I was told to take an extra 5mg of prednisone.  All morning I proceeded to have a low grade cluster headache and I was drained from the previous 2, so I left work to come home and spend the rest of the day sacked out.

In addition to the physical pain, I am emotionally not in a good place right now.  I just keep wanting to cry, I am so disappointed.  Disappointed that after 8 months of TTC we are still not pregnant.  Disappointed that just as I felt I was really doing something to balance my body and my mind to make myself more favorable for conception that I was struck with this debilitating pain - pain that is sucking my will to live and forcing me to focus on it, which I do not want to be doing - I want to be focused on TTC!  

I am continuing to take BBT everyday and monitor other fertility signs, but it seems pointless this month - and probably even next month too.  I need to find some positive spin to this whole thing - any suggestions?